This year has been a year of exceptional and uncomfortable transitions. I went from the hustle and bustle of school drop offs and pick ups to afterschool activities to not knowing what to do with all the free time I had to my baby boy turning 18 to My oldest telling me she’s pregnant! From enjoying the single life to finding the love of my life, to turning the big 40!!! I have literally felt every emotion known to man (and some I still can’t put into words).
For my 40th Birthday this year my sister gifted me with Ballroom dance lessons! Anyone who knows me, knows I Love To Dance!!!! Although I have no rhythm at all…lol. I was super excited! I was ready to learn to dance like Julianne from Dancing with the stars. But boy oh boy was I in for a rude awaking. I must admit I went in thinking it would be easy because dancing is all about moving to how you feel! Right? Oh was I wrong! My first class was so fun! My instructor Kevin wanted to see how much I knew, so he played different genres of music and allowed me to freely move around while teaching me some moves. Oh but the 2nd class was where I learn a lot about myself, I went in thinking it would be like that first class, I walked in with confidence out of this world! I greeted Kevin with a smile and was ready to go… or so I thought. Kevin begin teaching me how to hold a frame, and how to count my steps while dancing (yes I had to put in some work). After about 20 minutes I began getting annoyed and bored! I expressed to kevin, I got this! And asked… Shall we dance now?? I am pretty sure he was probably laughing at me secretly… He turned on the music and we began to dance… not even 30 seconds into the dance, I started tripping over his feet and mine ( Who knew that dancing was hard). After about 4 times of stopping, he asked, Would you like to go over the steps again? I swallowed my pride, and said yes and this time I a willing to learn and follow directions. So as he taught me the steps, I intentionally listened and did exactly what he asked. It was maybe the 4th class where I began to flow with him… you know like Johnny and Baby from dirty dancing (well not quite….lol). Although I began to feel comfortable with Kevin, there were times where I would tense up because I felt that I had no control because I thought we were going to crash into the other dancers or he would lead me into the wall. We were doing the waltz at that time and anytime we got close to the wall or the other dancers, I would begin looking over my shoulder which made me stumble over his feet or I would misstep.. Kevin stopped and looked at me saying…” I need you to trust me, I know what’s behind you! I will never let you hit the wall or those couples! Just look at me, you will feel when I am about to shift you, just keep your eyes on me.”
Something so simply as following directions and a willingness to learn can be the most liberating and freeing thing you can ever encounter.
We live in a world where it’s very difficult to trust people or even God. Many of us have experienced childhood traumas, disappointment, broken promises from those whom we’ve loved and trusted, violation whether sexually or physically, Church hurt, family hurt, social injustice, or Life has knocked the wind out of you! These circumstances will cause you to second guess everything and anyone around you! Or even worse build walls around your heart. The strange thing about building walls is it’s hard to tell who deserves it your heart and your time. We’re so busy building that we lose sight of how beautiful and delicate the heart is. So we condition ourselves to live defensively and make vows that would make us second guess anyone potentially deserving of the real and true us. The most import thing that I learned about taking the dance class was trust! While taking this class I thought about my relationship with God. Often times due to us protecting our hearts we forget that God created it! He created us to love! But because of past hurts and pains we lose sight of love and trust. Now that I’ve opened myself up to healing and surrendering to the one who created my heart, I am experiencing love on a whole new level. I believe in love again. The word states that love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8). And it doesn’t! The greatest gift God gave us is love! After all the pain, disappointment, and hurt! God has given me the will to love and trust again! Initially I thought I was taking that class for fun but in reality God use that class to teach me! To teach me that he will never let me fall! That he sees what behind me and what’s ahead! But he still wants me! All I needed to do is focus on him, and not on those things/people around me! So my prayer for you is that the same way you’ve built walls, allow God to tear it down. Yes, you will feel vulnerable and naked but he’s the one who created you. He knows you! And he knows what you need! Just allow him to take the lead!